I think songs and poems and never get around to writing them down. Thot one today. Thot I'd write it down.
(damn forgotten the cool words and tune already)
Maybe I'm good at what I do
Maybe I can be better
Maybe that's my story
Maybe I love like no other
And I am a good mother
Maybe that's my story
Maybe I'm only ordinary
Maybe I'm extraordinary
Maybe that's my story
I may be special
I may be simple
But maybe that's my story
I don't get them. As in don't understand them. People love the relaxation and the kneading blah blah. Maybe I haven't had a good massage. But the oily ones leave me feeling icky. And the machines just hurt my bones.
Am sitting on the back massage machine now and using the foot massager. All I can think is that my shoulder blades hurt and my toes are getting squished. Where is that aaaaaaaaaah moment?
I don't get massages.
Are we confident of our work because we are good at what we do? Or are we good at what we do because we are confident?
But it wasn't good. And the bad feeling grows in the mind and heart. With a fight with the brat and a morose day outside, I want to sit and home and cuddle my son. I don't want to work today.
Fury was a friend for a very long time. Came as soon as something felt bad. As soon as someone hurt me. Or I felt like I was slighted. Fury lived inside me so long there was little space for love and logic.
Fury rose when I felt tired. Fury at my husband. At my son. I felt like shaking him when he wouldn't listen.
And yesterday he was a brat. Annoying. Irritating. And I did get mad at him. And was firm with him. But I didn't feel fury. Sherrin pissed me off today. And I yelled and fumed. But I didn't feel fury.
Today I felt angry and mad. But no fury.
People who have to live on charity - what is their daily reality? Do you feel frustrated, ashamed that you are dependent on the benevolence of others for your daily life? Or gratitude that you are in an organization that is supported and is taking care of you? Or do you expect that it is someone's job to take care of you and should be doing this, possibly better?
Just wondering as I watch children from an organization sitting around to celebrate Independence Day at work. Some look surly, some quiet. Most look happy and that's good. But I cannot even begin to imagine me or even my son ever having to be in this position.
God bless.
